November, 1999
Volume 4, Issue 2
Five foot one
Eyes of brown,
But oh how those eyes
Light up the town.
— Anon.
(For obvious reasons)
The suspense is over!! Based on your letters to the editor, I know many, many — maybe all of you, have been eagerly awaiting the answers to those questions in Issue One. Yes, all, well maybe not all, about Helen with PICTURES as well as story.
Helen (West for now, but no need to remember that) was not allowed to play basketball at the University of Akron. No doubt sexual discrimination and nothing to do with the fact that she is (or claims to be) five feet, one inch tall. And, alas, at 110 pounds (7 stone and 8 for our British readers), she failed to make the cut for a defensive tackle slot in the NFL (National (American) Football League). However, having raised two children of her own plus four step children, I suspect she has done more than a little bit of “tackling”. Ah, and then what is the large black object Helen has to put in our living room? (One of you actually guessed it.) It’s her seven foot long, Steinway grand piano. And to go with it she has a degree from the University of Akron (yes, she really did go and graduate from there) in classical “Piano Performance” (and accounting as well).
Now that your immediate questions have been answered, what’s the story with your editor and this bit of petite pulchritude (also known as CLB or cute little blond)? Did they meet in a secluded rendezvous in the moonlight on the QE2. As in the Hertz commercial, “Well, not exactly”. Did your editor dazzle her with his “latin” charm at first meeting? Well, not exactly. Did he whisper sweet nothings in her ear late at night at their second meeting. Well, not exactly. Did he inspire quiet confidence and trust via email messages — by long telephone calls? Well, not exactly. So what exactly did happen, you say.
Well, they did meet on the QE2 at an afternoon dance class in the rumba. (and the rumba at least is latin.) When the dance instructor told the men to “…select one of these lovely ladies...”, your editor, having excellent if corrected eyesight and being quick and fleet of foot (and having already carefully considered the line up of “lovely” ladies), wasted no time in elbowing his way to select Helen. (However, in hindsight I don’t think the instructor intended for us to play “keepers”.) And then some 30 minutes later at the end of the class did your editor make his move — cocktails for two? A date for the night? An invitation to his stateroom? Even a cup of coffee for heaven’s sake? (Back to not exactly) Unfortunately, due to a severe lack of boy–girl skills, he simply said thank you and left. (I know, I know — nobody should be that stupid!)
But he had another chance the following night — Helen’s last night on board. He did ask for a dance; Helen asked what he did; he cavalierly replied, “My business card says ‘World Traveler’”. After Helen showed some interest in traveling, your editor (modestly) said he did write travel letters and would she like a copy or two? She said yes and he said to wait and he would go get them from his cabin. (No, he did not suggest they go to his cabin to view them — a ploy that wouldn’t have worked even for an experienced “operator”.) Now, this time he did ask her for coffee (so he could explain the Cunard 5% book on board discount plan — I kid you not! You can take the boy out of sales, but...). Was all smooth sailing? (Not exactly, again) Your editor had earlier agreed to join two other ladies for coffee — and they had included a third leaving only one chair at the table. No room for Helen! A dilemma! So, your editor apologized to the waiting ladies for his further delay and found a secluded table for two. At last! They were alone. Well, for maybe 15 minutes and — yes — for the Cunard 5% sales pitch. But your editor did offer his card and a one year subscription to RRR if Helen would send him her name and address. (Why didn’t he ask for it then? The word “inept” springs to mind.) And at this point they said aloha and Helen got off in Honolulu and he sailed on for Singapore. Had ships passed in the night? No, God looked down, shook his head and said, “This is going to take more effort than I thought.”
But when Helen got back to her home in Akron, Ohio, she did send her name and address using her new email system. She also made a small comment about cruising looking more interesting after reading the newsletter. Time for action!! Your editor immediately sent an email back pointing out that he could still get her the 5% Cunard discount — well, to be fair, he also told her he was signed up for the World Cruise and if she did also, she’d have a rumba partner. Again with the wonders of email, she said, “Sign me up”. Not knowing what kind of a cabin she wanted, he responded with her choices and did subtly point out that he had one of the larger Mauritania double cabins reserved and only half occupied. Her response? I'll take a small single!
Following more emails and a long telephone call on your editor’s return in late March in which the need for a check for the $500 deposit plus a credit card for POSH Travel in Greenland, NH was explained, did Helen realize the trustworthiness of your editor? Once more, not exactly. First, she pulled out her road map to see if there was a Stratham, NH — and there wasn't! A call to AAA, however, solved that; yes, there was a Stratham on the newer maps. Then a call to Cunard to see if a reservation really had been made — and if they had ever heard of POSH Travel or Greenland, NH. With positive responses all around, she finally decided to gamble the $500 and her card number, but she wanted to see POSH in person. And that is when two fateful meetings were arranged: first, a day on board the QE2 in Miami on April 22nd and, second, an eight day visit to NH in May.
The April 22nd meeting started at 10AM. Between then and lunch your editor determined there was much common ground — especially the preference to sleep late in the morning. (That was worth two tickee marks!) Then at lunch he looked into those brown eyes and clearly saw an imp wanting to get out to play. This one looked like a “keeper”. Maybe no chance, but worth a try. (When she kept saying he didn’t need to walk her out and then didn’t even wave goodbye, it didn’t look good — but IBMers are hard to discourage.) On to May 19th and the eight day stay. In the meantime, your editor worked to set the stage with “enticing” emails and a letter or two. And just before the 19th, God finally stepped in and said, “Take flowers, dummy, and not from the grocery store — further since you are so inept at boy–girl games, try honesty.” So when Helen arrived, your editor met her at the gate with a small kiss and hug — and the flowers — looked her in the eye and said the famous words, “I’m very attracted to you, Helen”. And without breaking eye contact, she replied, “I’m very attracted to you, too.”
Moving ahead in time some 174 hours (details of technique in sidebar titled A 7 Day Guide to Move from “I’m very attracted to you, too” to “Yes, I’ll marry you.”), your editor, plying her with French champagne, slipped down on one knee and started his proposal with a brief preamble about the uncertainty of the future. Did Helen wait in eager anticipation? Not exactly. She started to discuss the subject while your editor’s leg was at risk of cramping. Finally, he said, “Hush, Helen” (at least he’d improved enough to not say “Shut up, Helen”) and proposed. As on the 19th, Helen’s response was immediate, “Yes, I’ll marry you”. (And her next statement was, “I can’t believe I’m doing this!!” And her friends had the same reaction as they tell me, “Helen never makes quick decisions.” More heavenly guidance, I suspect.)
Now that the engagement was in place, it was time to get to know each other. (This was also the time US Airways and MCI stock shot up in price in anticipation of the trips and the telephone bills.) Helen came over for what was to be the surprise party for your editor’s 35th birthday (second coming, that is) — and thank you all very much for your cards, letters, and emails — and had a chance to meet my family and many friends. And then a trip to Akron, a trip to Stratham, a trip to Akron and on to Atlanta to meet Helen’s daughter (Gale), her husband (Steve), their children (Jeff and Erica) and Helen’s son Mark from Ft. Lauderdale, and another trip to Stratham. (The lure was the fall colors — he he he.)
So what are the future plans? First a trip to Texas for another wedding — Bill (#1 son) and Lara in Tyler on November 20th. (By the time Helen decided waiting until April was a bad idea, the crummy kid had taken my date!) Then, Helen and I will be married in a small, family only ceremony at Gale and Steve’s in Atlanta on December 4th. From there it gets a little confusing (flow chart in preparation) until we board the QE2 again on January 8th in Miami for the 102 day cruise to New York. (Once aboard I hope to find out if the dance instructor meant we could keep the lady we picked.) The rest of the year 2000 is under discussion but the topics so far include China and Tibet, the head waters of the Amazon, Machu Pichu and the Galapagos, and maybe, just maybe, some time at home in Stratham — now that Helen knows where it is.
Looking at our schedule, I’m sure we will not get any Christmas cards out this year so let me say now that we together wish you the very best for the Holidays and for the new year, the century, and the millenium.
And until the first issue of the new millenium, I leave you with my usual prayer. May a loving God continue to walk with us — and with you. Amen.
Jerry